Ian

My 9 year-old grandson had a rough start to life when his daddy died.  He was 2 years-old at the time and when his mom was falling apart he took his two-year-old self across the room and climbed over a few chairs to get to the tissue box, plucked one from it and brought it to her.  He’s been looking after her ever since.

When we were at the farmer’s market he spied some fresh carnations with long stems and asked me for the $2 it would take to buy one.  He wanted it for his mother.

When there’s only one doughnut left in the box and he’s salivating over it he’ll close the box and say he’s keeping it for his mom.  He knows what she likes you see.

When his mom was stung by a bee on her foot he stayed by her the whole time she slept off the poison.  When I came back from the store he asked me where the thermometer was.  I asked him why he needed it and he just said he wanted it but couldn’t find it.  So I rummaged in the medicine cabinet until I found something that would measure temperature and he immediately put it on his mother’s forehead.  He wanted to make sure she didn’t have a fever.  He relaxed when he found that she didn’t.

This is my sweet, tenacious boy that is extremely smart although still learning about life and it’s ups and downs and who is often confused as to his role here.  When I see that he is struggling I’ll offer solace in conversation and attempt to pull him out of his quagmire where he tends to become worried and depressed.  I can usually talk him back to being the shy, contemplative – did I mention tenacious? boy that he is.

He’s a deep thinker often considering your feelings and he responds quickly to requests when asked and sometimes even with no complaints.  He just needs to know what is expected of him as most of us do before we take up the battle so to speak.

I’m proud of this little guy so far.  He is capable of great potential. And great love.

 

A Life Aware or Does your baby know what’s going on in utero?

A friend and I were talking recently about babies and pregnancy and I remembered an incident while in my mid-twenties. A group of us – nine in all – were pregnant at the same time. A few of us worked together.

One friend was about 7 months pregnant and at that time we didn’t know if the baby would be a boy or a girl and all she could talk about was that she was having a girl.

R couldn’t wait for her little girl to be born and she was excited for the birth of her child.

I had only just found out about myself being pregnant. It was a time of excitement and wonder and changes in our lives. If you wonder about babies in utero – while they are in the womb – and if they have intelligence and knowledge of their world around them then this should tell you something about their awareness.  

I was walking toward the break room at my office where R was already waiting for me. She and about 8 others were in there talking, mostly about her daughter and her plans for raising a little girl.

As I opened the door a strange thing happened. Her baby jumped and acknowledged me with a “hello” that felt as though he had physically reached out and touched me and I could see that R jumped from the movement inside her belly. His message touched me on a psychic level.  A movement in space-time sent from his awareness to mine.  No one had said anything to me to let him know I had entered that room. He reached out and instinctively felt my presence. I was momentarily taken aback but kept on walking and joined my co-workers. He was definitely a boy and he was as aware of what was happening in that room as if he were sitting in a chair right there! Well, in a way he was – when you think about it.  The baby was absolutely aware of life around him as he floated inside his little world.

I was totally stunned that he had acknowledged me as I entered and I said, “R, your little boy just said hello to me.” She knew something had occurred just then because she had felt the movement but she wasn’t aware of the message that I had just gotten. She just sat there with a look that said it all. She was flabbergasted. From that point on she planned for a boy and he was born in December of that year.

He was an extraordinary boy for sure and he sampled life in every form, much to R’s dismay. From Goth to bright green neon hair for his senior pictures to devil worship – he did it. I always remember R talking about how the parents were to blame for children being out of control. Her son made her change her mind about that way of thinking. She was the straightest mom in the world and her son was exactly opposite.

I lost track of the boy and his mother as life has a way of evolving and moving on. I often wonder what happened to him. He let me know that babies in the womb are aware of their world, inner and outer.

Be careful how you treat yourself while you’re pregnant and know the joys of carrying an aware little being with you everywhere. Talk to your baby while you can, every moment, and let them know early on that they are beautiful and worthy and intelligent. They are listening.

Mirroring Abuse – Surviving Abusive Relationships

 

Life. It’s all about perception and attitude.  My attitude about a lot of things differs from others in that if something comes at you, deal with it and move on.  Much of it is karma so you’re best off if you become a “karma chameleon” and change with the colors that you’re confronted with.

I’ve been married twice.  When people ask why, instead of going into all the excuses of misery shared, I just tell them I like to change men once every 20 years or so to keep things interesting.

Wisdom comes with age and as you age you begin to realize many things about people and perceptions. I realized that I wasn’t the person that I was perceived to be. The perceptions about me didn’t match who I was so I didn’t feel I had to be directly responsible for giving in to what was expected of me by those doing the perceiving. I’m talking about living in abuse. A person’s distortions of perception manifest oftentimes as abuse. In making that break, I became the person I truly am and those people are no longer in my life. I lived for 20 years in abuse. I guess I’m an expert on it. I’d like to share just a little about how I handled it.

Throughout my fair existence on this beloved Earth I have learned how to manifest my desires and be at peace within myself. In my relationships, my marriages of which there were two, there were times when I faced violence by becoming the mirror and reflecting back what was directed toward me, successfully and peacefully. I mirrored back the pain and anger and turned it around each time. I didn’t re-Act to the person. Arguments, for me, are a waste of energy so I don’t participate. Instead I responded in a responsible way and was never harmed.

I’ll explain. My first marriage was turbulent to say the least. It started as a war zone – one trying to establish dominance when that person had no idea who he was – or that he was married to a free spirit. You can’t cage a free spirit in any way. He tried and failed miserably. I never saw that side of him til after the wedding vows. When I asked about the abrupt turn-about he said, “it’s because I’ve got you now.” Number one mistake was that he thought I would never file for divorce.  For me, courage comes from a deep resolve to not live a life you don’t choose. If a life you’re living is not one you choose to live, then change it. My idea of home was always happy and full of fun. To have it full of violence and arguments was not of my choosing. A home should be a sacred place where you feel safe and where you can retreat from what is happening on the outside.  Someone once said that courage is just the other side of fear. My fear of living in a violent home was stronger than my fear of dying. I’d rather die than live a life of fear.

I stood my ground when he threatened to hit me. He was much bigger than I was and I knew I’d never be able to beat him physically. All I had were words. So I told him if he were going to hit me that he’d better kill me, because if he didn’t I’d make him wish he had. That made him stop and think. When he stopped I used more words. I told him he liked to sleep too much and I was really good with a baseball bat. That made him think some more. Then I threatened his “stuff” like his motorcycle. I told him he wouldn’t recognize it if he let me get up after he hit me so he may as well kill me right now, this fucking minute.

I mirrored his violence back at him and he didn’t like it at all. He never did hit me. Not ever in the 20 years we were together. He used other means to try to tear me down – emotionally. It worked for awhile. He had me wondering in the beginning if it was me that was nuts. But somewhere into the early years I figured out that it wasn’t me at all. He would call me names and I even mirrored that back when I said to him, “well, if I’m all those things it sure doesn’t say much for your taste in women.” He stopped calling me names after that. Another time, after I was sick of listening to his foul language, I began talking like he talked. One day he looked at me and said, “That language sounds terrible coming from you!” I simply said, “If I have to listen to it motherfucker so do you!” After that he stopped swearing so much. I was getting pretty good at this mirroring thing. I responded without judgement toward him and I didn’t judge myself. It occurred to me that judgment is a waste of time and only weakens the spirit so why do it? Since I gave up judging myself and others life has been so much freer and better.

He walked a fine line between sanity and insanity and it wasn’t my cross to bear. I let him go early on but stayed because I never had the desire to start again. Until someone came along after awhile and showed me how good life could be.

I knew I’d never sacrifice my life or sanity to another man again. That was the gift given to me by my first marriage and I took that away with me and lived happily for awhile until my second husband did an about face when he stopped drinking. Alcohol was his curse. Or was it a lack of alcohol? I get confused. But that’s another story.