In my lifetime I have lived most often alone. That is not to say I have always been lonely. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I found that, while living with someone I was often more lonely than when I was alone.
But now, I live with my daughter and my grandson who is now 9. He asks questions such as what is a calorie and knows the ballad Despacito when he hears it. He made his first YouTube video when he was 7 and knew how to get the toast out of the toaster when I had trouble getting it out. In essence – he’s smarter than me and it makes me smile.
I love living alone with my daughter and my grandson without an adult male although I often think it would be a good thing for my grandson to have a good role model in the form of a man. But that’s just wishful thinking on my part. Until there is a man that knows his role in a way that is beneficial to familial life and he is capable of sharing that role – I’m content being alone. I accept life on my terms because peace-full is the only way to live and laugh and be happy. You don’t know Bliss until you are at peace with being alone.
I have had two marriages where it was impossible to live in a peaceful place because peace begins inside of you. Peace is a state of being. If you don’t have it then there is nothing but drama and chaos emanating from you and that may lead to disastrous consequences where relationships are concerned.
You can handle any situation when peace radiates from within. This morning my grandson didn’t want to get out of bed although it was passed time for him to move at 9:30 a.m. I didn’t think it was too much for him to shower and get dressed so after seeing that he wasn’t moving toward the shower I got a spray bottle filled with cold water and sprayed him from head to toe until he was up and dancing around to avoid the water. When he was thoroughly soaked I let him know he had just showered and now it was time to get dressed. Really – there are times when I think I’m too old for this.
But seeing my 9 year old grandson and knowing this is how many guys start out in life – I wonder why we women waste our time chasing after men when they can’t even get out of bed without our help. I’m trying to let my grandson know that, smart as he is, it is his responsibility to be productive and add to life instead of taking from it all the time and to think for himself. It’s been a struggle to say the least.
One day, perhaps he will fulfill his grandmother’s expectations and make me proud. It may take a LOT of water bottles but I’m gonna give it my best shot.