I’m Too Old For This

Ok so I live with my daughter (who is a hoarder) and my 9 year old grandson (who is a hoarder in training).  They moved in with me when I left my soon to be divorced husband who wouldn’t move out or take them in and who was threatening violence over the incident of the skunk in the yard.  I smelled a skunk but apparently his nose had shut down because he couldn’t smell it so he let the barking dog out because it’s always a good idea to let a barking dog out when a skunk is around.  Anyway he let the dog out and I smelled the skunk and asked why he let the dog out when it was in the yard and he said there was no skunk and only then did I realize why he could never tell when I was making dinner.  He couldn’t smell it.  So I shut the patio door and he came storming into the house and said that if I shut that door he was going to take it off its hinges!  He stormed back out and I shut the door – the smell of skunk was still heavy in the air.  He came storming back into the house and went into the garage to get a tool to take the door off the hinges.  I told him I was going to call the police if he did that and he said he could do a lot of damage (to me) before the police got there and I asked him if he thought that was a good idea considering we were going to court soon.  He left and I closed the door.

Apparently he loved drama or he would have just gone about his business and let me close the door.

That was over 7 years ago and at the same time my daughter had bigger problems.  She had a 2 year-old and her husband OD’d on prescription drugs – took them one day and died the next.  They were from the doctor and were for pain and he took them and died right on the couch with the little guy jumping on daddy and her sitting in the chair watching him.  She called me, hysterical, and that’s when the whole thing started.  I was 61 years-old and too old for this but I left my home under the threat of violence and moved into a big house that would hold the 3 of us and a yard for the little guy to play in and all hell broke loose from the moment I made that decision to have them move in with me.  They say having children around keeps you young.  I say that having children around keeps you from realizing how fast time is flying because all your attention is on them and before you know it you’re too old to do anything.

So here it is – 7 years later going on 8 and I am still saying “I’m too old for this” even though they’re still here and it doesn’t look like they’re going anywhere anytime soon.  The now 9 year-old is threatening to become a surly teenager and I’m wondering how I’m going to handle THAT when I’m in my 70’s if he’s not out of the house and I have to live with that.  I keep telling Ian that I’m too old for his screaming and growling and mumbling like a lot of kids that are spoiled and ornery do when you think they may not be raised right but I know he has been cuz I’ve been around to see it.  His mom doesn’t let him be a brat and he and I generally have a pretty decent relationship so long as he isn’t a smart ass which he can be at times.

But it’s hard sometimes.  It truly is.  My patience wears thin and I think I can’t do it much longer and then I think if it wasn’t supposed to be this way then it would be different.  But there are times when all I can think is that – I’m too old for this. Comes a time when I won’t want to do it anymore and then things will change – I know.  I’m reaching that point even though my daughter thinks she can’t do it on her own.  But other moms have and she will too.  There’ll come a day when she’s gonna have to realize that her mom is just too old for this.

She has a problem when I bring home a date.  I say it’s her problem and not mine – this IS my house too!  She doesn’t bring dates home for good reason but her reasons are not mine.  Of course Ian is bright enough to know these dates aren’t sleeping in their cars and he starts asking questions to which I tell him it’s none of his business and he gets the look on his face that makes him seem older than he is.  What does he know about it?  When he’s sure about what dating is like he won’t ask those questions of his grandma.  And rightly so.  But I deserve a life and I’ll have it whether he’s here or not and it is still my house and if no one likes it that’s their problem not mine.  I’m too freaking old for this!!

 

 

If Your Child Is Weird

I’ve recently watched Ed Sheeran’s biography video. If you haven’t seen it then go to Youtube and watch it. It’s one you don’t want to miss. Anyway, he said he was a weird kid and I understand what he meant because I was also a weird one.

I’ve written a little about my beginnings in my book, Warrior Spirit Path of Medicine (Balboa Press) so I don’t want to duplicate all of that except to say I was passed around a lot when I was a baby because my mother was sick for four years after my birth. I never did have the bonding experience most children have and that led me to be awkward and ok, “weird” was me. I was a loner and took to nature where I didn’t feel so out of place. I was also a very sickly child and because my mother, when she finally did make it home, was so busy with my six siblings, I never wanted to draw her attention away from all she had to do so I tended my own illnesses.

Did I mention I have always been on a path of healing? It began when I was about 8 years old. I used to have anxiety attacks and the way I got out of them was to breathe and take myself into visualizations. Now in my healing work I take people into breathing therapy and visualizations. Go figure.

But Ed Sheeran also speaks about the years he had a stutter and how writing music and singing helped him.

When I was in my teens I also developed a stutter. I couldn’t finish a sentence without feeling exasperation and frustration. I began to fervently pray about it and one night, in my early twenties, I fell asleep and this is what I dreamt: I was climbing up a steep precipice, grabbing at small bushes and trees to help me around all the obstacles. As I climbed, I heard people and began shouting for help. As I got nearer the top a group of people heard me and looked over the edge to see me climbing and helped me up to the top. They were very friendly and kind and told me they wanted me to meet someone. They took me to a tall, thin man with long flowing white hair and beard down to the ground. He was dressed in blue robes. He looked at me and smiled and said they had been waiting for me and I was to stay with them for 6 months and “play ball.” With that the others took me out into a big grassy field and we literally began to play ball!

I kept a record of that dream from the time I dreamt it to the time six months had passed. At the end of 6 months I no longer stuttered. I woke up one morning six months after the playing ball dream and was able to speak without stuttering.

I’ve had prophetic dreams for as far back as I can remember. I would see things happen in dream sometimes years before they would happen in my life. I’ve always had visions and they would always be around 3 a.m. If I lost something I would ask for a dream to show me where it was or when I would get it back. Some things were found but some things were just meant to be lost and never found.

Yes, some children are strange or weird. I was one of them. But my weirdness manifested in ways that led me to the path I was meant to be on. So I guess Ed and I are trying to tell parents with weird children that it’s ok for your child to be weird. They’re meant to do something else in this life or with their lives. Don’t worry too much about them. Kids are resourceful. They’ll find their own way sooner or later. The obstacles they face are there to make life interesting and challenging. Maybe not to you, but to them. Help as much as you are asked to help. Otherwise try not to worry too much.